Now I know What Intimacy Is
- By: Otchi
I participated in the two-week Tourist Program at the Humaniversity in December 2016 and I’m still amazed by the insights and learnings. I have been able to change things in my life because my attitude changed. I don’t always have the power over what happens in my life, but I can choose how I experience things.
When I catch myself using words like I could, I should or I would, I stop and breathe. At Humaniversity I received tools that help me to be present, to look at what is really there in any given moment and to respond from this space.
What helped me change were the sense of community and togetherness, and the overwhelming experience of loving support. During the first days of the Tourist Program it scared me. I felt vulnerable and wanted to withdraw, which reminded me of my school years. I was so used to putting up an image, trying to impress people and hiding the real me. However, the openness of the people around me gave me the courage to open up, too. What a relief and joy it was to finally show my insecure and vulnerable side to others. This openness brought more depth to relating.
Intimacy – this was why I decided to join the Tourist Program in the first place. I had attended a Humaniversity workshop on intimacy a few months before and it blew my mind. Before, my idea of intimacy was something technical and superficial but in the workshop and later in the Tourist Program I started to understand what real intimacy is. It is courage to be vulnerable. For years, I was ashamed of my fears and kept them locked away deep inside me. With the guidance and support of my friends and therapists at the Humaniversity, I was able to look at these fears and embrace them. I realized that I am so much more than my fears or my "dark side". By exposing them I found my strength, joy and light.
One of the most important words I learnt in the Tourist Program was yes! I can say yes to whatever I experience in my life. The yes also gives me the power to say fuck it! to negative thoughts like "I can’t do it", "It’s too much for me" or "I better play it safe and not take risks".
I’m grateful for the friendships I created in the Tourist Program. I don’t mean friendly friends, buddies or chums, but authentic and intimate "I see you", "I am here for you" kind of friends. This kind of sincere and hearful friendships are usually developed during the early stages of life and I couldn’t believe I could experience it again – but I did!
Surprisingly, I also learnt something significant during House Care. Humaniversity is a community and everybody takes part in the cleaning and maintenance of the house. I hated it at first! I have never paid much attention to my living space. After a while, I realized that keeping my external space in order helped me to clean and organize my inner space, as well. I used to call my home “the apartment” but now I feel it’s a home and I take care of it in a heartful way.
Humaniversity is my second home now. There I found the home my inner child always wanted and a family that encourages me to be who I am and to celebrate it. I know this home will always be there for me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, from every fiber of my being.