Sex Is How Adults Play
NEW Sexuality Training
- By: Female Sexuality Trainee from Germany (41)
Before the training, sex totally stressed me out. So much, that after a bad breakup I had been avoiding it for three years pretty much altogether. The few encounters during that time were disappointing and always left me with a feeling of “better no sex than this.” “Down there” was dead, or at least fast asleep. I did not get excited before or aroused during sex. At the same time I longed for intimacy and missed this part of my life dearly, and actually put myself under pressure to date and make love. But when somebody came close to me with a sexual intention – including even my own hands – I got painful cramps. And I was angry and frustrated with myself for it.
Now, after the training, my body has woken up again! I am much more relaxed about sex. The prospect of a date makes me now excited, because now I know that I don’t have to do anything I don’t like. Instead, I look forward to pleasure, relying on the signals of my body to guide me. I (re)discovered my playfulness and creativity, and that it is not all about penetration. I get aroused frequently, and I love it. I can now communicate about sex and fantasies, and I have let go of “performing.” I enjoy sometimes just to be sensual, which is a world of pleasure on its own, and I found out that most men enjoy that too. I could also let go of the belief that I have to satisfy a man sexually to be liked by him. Now I’m looking forward to explore more how to enjoy sex with a heart connection, without depending on a relationship.
One of the most significant moments in the training was when I made peace with my body. Before, the area between my legs actually disgusted me, and I felt that I was not normal somehow. In one of the workshops (the Women’s Group) I broke down crying, mortally ashamed. That moment was the turning point. To acknowledge that shame, to let it out in a safe environment, was the key to letting it go. Now I really like my body, I love looking at it and exploring good sensations, alone as well as with a partner. Somehow I feel much more like a woman now, whole.
It made a big difference to have a peer group of trainees that shared the year’s journey. Their support and humor helped me when I took myself too seriously. Through sharing I also got very helpful insights on the perspective of men and the processes they were going through. It changed my attitude towards the opposite sex in general. I can relate to men now on a friendship level instead of just a sexual one.
In one of the workshops someone said, “Sex is how adults play.” Before the training I would have frowned at that statement. Now I simply love it. It sums up exactly what I am looking forward to now: to connect, explore, relax, enjoy – and play!