Again and Again Love Is Always the Answer
I have been reflecting on the current situation in the world and how to use my experience and my learnings to handle it, and what came up for me was trust. I was 28 years old and sannyasin for three years when I realized I was stuck in my life. I was living in Israel, by myself, felt isolated and missed a sense of direction. On the outside I tried to come up with all kinds of solutions and things to do, but deep down I was lost. One day, without a special intention, I drove to a remote beach and found myself starting to talk to the sea. First I was just complaining, but then I started to scream, and before I even knew it, I was having a whole catharsis session with the ocean. My voice was swallowed by the sound of the wind and the waves. I could simply allow myself to feel my desperation and my longing for something else. I remember at one point going down on my knees and begging for help and direction. I dared to scream that I wanted to live together with people, that I wanted meaning and a sense of direction in my life. I shouted that I wanted to know what my purpose in life was.
I felt a certain presence then. The fact that I didn’t know what else to do and who to turn to helped me to turn to existence with a cry for help.
A few months later I found myself on a plane to Europe, where I met Veeresh and later joined the community at the Osho Humaniversity in Holland to live and study. I often thought back to that moment on the beach where I touched something bigger than me. I had gotten the sense that I only needed to relax and be myself, everything else was taken care of. Everything was going to be alright. I just needed to trust.
And it was true. It’s twenty years later and I live my life here at the Humaniversity with a deep sense of belonging and meaning. I live with friends who are also my teachers and I feel I am growing and developing as a therapist and a human being. The work that we do here touches many people and transforms many lives. I am not shy to say that I feel I live Osho’s and Veeresh’s dream.
When the lockdown happened at the beginning of March I felt very lucky to embrace my community, staff family and friends and to know that we have each other, no matter what happens. I heard Osho talk many times about communities as an ideal way of living, and in that moment it was so clear.
The situation challenged us in many ways and made us look for creative ways to work with people. Starting in mid-April we have been hosting weekly free online Social Meditations for all to join.
The main thing for me in this special time is an urge to look inside for answers. At the Humaniversity we work a lot with feelings. We have many ways and techniques to release negative emotions such as anger, fear and pain in order to create space for positive ones like celebration, love and inner peace. During our first online AUM Meditation I was touched to see hundreds of our friends from all around the world gathering in front of the screen to participate. I also took my stand in front of my laptop, ready to start. I took the decision to stop what I was doing and take the space to let my irrational feelings go. I found myself embracing a calmer space of being, feeling love, touched to tears, looking at every single face on the zoom.
Seeing and feeling so many hearts get touched, I felt inspired to lead an online meditation myself. While facilitating the “Our Sacred Earth Meditation”, a mix of shaking, dancing, listening to Osho and sending good vibrations to the Earth, I had a moment where I visualized all the participants, from all different time zones, shaking in different places around the world and literally moving the earth under their feet. I could feel the connection between us and I had no doubt that at that moment a healing energy field was created on the earth.
Living with Veeresh and learning from him for many years taught me that the answer to every situation is always love, no matter what. This is an essential key for me and has proven itself again and again. As someone who grew up in Israel, I am used to fight. One of my biggest insights was that my aggression is a way to cover my fears and my vulnerability. When I realized that beneath the way I act on the outside is a lot of terror, I could feel more compassion towards myself. And as I open my heart to myself, it feels like I am opening my heart to the whole world.
Love is the main guideline that I use today. I learned it from Osho and Veeresh. If I see myself worrying about the future, I remind myself to come back to the present moment. In the here and now, gently I include my fearful thoughts and emotions, the tensions in my body and just watch it. I breathe into it and gradually I can relax.
Another guideline for me is care. There is a beautiful quote from Veeresh: “We want you to be a Buddha. But first, you need to act like one. The key is good thoughts, good words, and good deeds.” I like this approach because it gives me a practical tool. I know that when I am stressed or tense I tend to project my uncomfortable feelings all around me. Thanks to my friends who have been making me aware of that, I learned that I have a choice. I can choose not to act on my feelings, but rather take responsibility and deal with them. I can release them, I can share about it or I can just meditate, observe and not identify. Towards the outside I make an effort to remain kind. The same with my thoughts. If I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I know I am on a dead-end road and I can choose to change it. But the first step is not to deny my negative emotions.
Another way that I am taking responsibility to raise the vibrations in the world right now is to be grateful. When I feel negative emotions I experience contraction, and when I feel grateful I feel an expansion, especially around my heart. I start by saying that I am grateful to be alive, I am grateful to my parents, grateful that through Osho I discovered the door to meditation and through Veeresh I committed myself to friendship. I am grateful that I had the courage to follow my heart and create a life beyond my dreams.
In a world full of uncertainties I find that my way forward is the way in. I discovered that my purpose in life is to be the most loving human being I can possibly be, to live with people and share my love. My focus is to make this world a better place, and I start – first with myself.